This thing 

So we’ve got one new bathroom fitting. The bathroom door doesn’t have a handle at all (there is a hole in the door, I’m not even kidding) so the fact that it doesn’t fit in its door frame is irrelevant for the time being, but I thought they’d fix at least one of those problems. I was disappointed. What they did do was put this thing in the bathroom. 

I’m talking about that rod. It’s at a height of about six and a half feet, so goodness knows how little five-foot-tall me is expected to reach it. There’s barely room for each of us (three people share a room) to fit a set of underwear on it (BTW the point of this is too hand wet clothes on it),plus, nothing will dry in this climate unless you put it under the ceiling fan overnight, so what earthly use this is to be of remains to be understood. We are all very confused. If you’ve got any ideas as to what we are to do with this, I’m all ears. 

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I don’t know if this is weird? 

So today was ok-ish. I’ve just realised that the boys’ hostel warden is really, really cute. More than any of the boys themselves, really. And you can bet I’ve been keeping a close lookout for cute guys.  The guys are pretty nice, though; at least the ones I’ve talked to, so that’s something. By the way, the warden’s only a little older than us, so it’s not as inappropriate as it sounds. Is it still weird?  I can see practically all the girls swoon when they see him, though. It’s pretty funny and rather entertaining. He was in charge of the choir we started today for the morning chapel services, and he’s a really good instructor. The warm up he made us do was the best I’ve ever ever done, and made a real distinguishable difference. The only problem with the choir is that there’s a slightly scary girl who picks kind of boring songs, and none of the rest of us were prepared with any song suggestions, so we had to go with her’s. We’re planning on making a song book, though so maybe we’ll get better songs then. 

We played a game today (courtesy  of the boys’ warden) and even though I wasn’t looking forward to it, it was actually super fun. The girls and boys are getting to know each other better now, and it’s nice. Before today, we just avoided each other like the plague, which was awkward. Now I’m not great at talking to people I don’t know we’ll, so this getting to know each other makes me very nervous, but I guess it’s better than the awkwardness. 

I don’t know what to talk about to my friends any more. I can’t shake the feeling that they all secretly hate me. I have no idea what to do about this. The hospital psychiatrist, who came to give us a talk on stress management told us about social phobia and said we can go to him for help if we need it. But what is he decides I’m a weirdo who’s unfit to be a doctor? I’ll never be able to escape him. And I don’t want to see a doctor back home, because the last psychologist my mum took me to was a total bitch who made me cry. And she was the only suitable one we could find there. Maybe I will just go to the one here. But what if there’s nothing wrong with me, and it’s normal and I have to be this way forever? I’m so lost. Any and all advice would be appreciated. My brain is going through worst case scenarios at top speed and is teaching nowhere useful. I need help from other sources. Seriously. 

Blood tests and stuff

Today we had a tour of the college and the hospital, and then a medical checkup. The hospital is huge and very confusing to walk around, but we were assured that we’d be fine in a month. Don’t know what I’ll do until then,though. 

The teachers gave some talks in the morning, and one of them said that the college is trying to do something about antibiotic resistance, and I honestly did a mental punching the air thing,because that problem is really out of control in this country. Wow, that sounds really nerdy. It’s true, though. I did a huge project on antibiotic resistance in school, and now it really bothers me, so I’m glad someone’s focussing on it.  

We had a blood test and a chest  X-ray  for the checkup,and they took about seven vials of blood, which was a bit scary. I kept thinking they’d stop, but they just brought one vacutainer after the other, and I was a bit surprised I had enough blood for all that. 

I’ve started talking more to one of my roommates. She’s nice,and reads a lot, so at least we’ve got something to talk about. Plus,  I think I’m a bit more comfortable with one of my friends now, although I seem to be getting worse again with the speaking-in-crowds situation. And I was doing so well, too. My progress had actually been quite commendable, but now we’re back to square one. I keep thinking that everyone really hates me and is just putting up with me because they don’t know what else to do. And I’m not even sure I’m wrong about that, so I’m kind of worried. 

But this is my alone thing. This writing I’m doing here is sort of like meditation. It’s what I do when constant contact with other people gets too much,and I just need to think and be quiet for a while. Which means it’s also what’s keeping me sane. It’s very tiring to be around people you have to talk to all the time, and sometimes I just say I’m going to bed, and come here and write for a bit. I’m lucky my roommates both sleep really early, so I get some time all to myself. My arm’s getting a bit tired though. Typing on a phone is hard. 

Well I’d better go to bed now. Busy day tomorrow. If I don’t sleep, I’ll be zombified the whole day. And that won’t be fun for anyone. 

So here we are.

College is… Well I’m not really sure yet. I’ve made some friends, I guess, but I haven’t yet established my position as despiser-of-EDM-and-most-pop-music-who-only-listens-to-music-noone-else-has-heard-of, so discussions about music (which took up most of today) are weird for me. I’d somewhat gotten past that in school. I don’t know if the others thought my singing was awful, and singing’s all I’m really good at, so I want my singing to be un-awful. 
My friends are fun, but I’m glad we don’t share rooms, because they’re not exactly like my old friends – they’re less weird- and I feel like I can’t really be me around them,so it’s nice to have some alone-time. 

It all feels so temporary , though, and that bothers me. I know this is my life for about five and a half more years now, but I keep thinking I’ll go home soon, and then everything will be back to normal. 

If you’ve got any tips on any of this, I’m listening.

Leaving home 

That’s what my room currently looks like. No, we weren’t robbed; I’m just trying to pack my stuff up for college. It’s really much harder than you’d think. I’ve spent about half an hour just standing in the middle of the mess, wondering where to start. 

I just realised-did I tell you I’m leaving for college? Well I am. Medical college!!! I’m so excited! I know it’s going to be really hard, and suspect that I haven’t quite understood the magnitude of material we’ll have to learn, but it’s what I’ve always wanted to do, and I’m so glad it’s finally happening. 

I’ll show you what my hostel room looks like when I get there.They’re quite nice, actually, from what I’ve seen so far. 

Maybe I’ll really get third year syndrome. I’m not sure how I feel about that. But I’m really looking forward to going.

I just need to get this packing done first. 

Happy birthday to me!

Today is my eighteenth birthday! It’s strange to finally be an adult. I wonder if I should feel different. I don’t. 

My birthday dinner was fun, though. I had an ice-cream cake! Don’t laugh, but it’s the first time I’ve ever had one. I sort of had to organise it the way I wanted it- ice-cream cake, eighteen little candles instead of number candles with a 1 and an 8, because I think having those is kind of cheating when it comes to blowing them all out so you can have a wish – because my family is not really the kind that goes all out on birthdays. But it was fun anyway, and I really did want it to be, since I’m leaving for college and also since it’s my eighteenth. 

The nicest thing was that lots of my friends from school called up,  even though I’m personally very bad at keeping in touch, and had therefore expected them to just forget about me. It’s nice to be remembered. 

I’m not sure what the point of this post is, but I hadn’t written anything in ages,so I wanted to write something. Please excuse any typos, I’m typing on my new phone and I’m just getting used to it. 

Hostel Shopping

On Monday, I went shopping with my mum for hostel supplies. We’re not sure yet which hostel I’ll be going to, but I’ll need supplies anyway, so we had a girls’ day out and just let ourselves go (sense the sarcasm). Allow me some artistic license here- believe it or not, hostel shopping is not as much fun as you’d think. So: we went crazy on modest pyjamas (they’ve got to reach at least till below the knee). We bought highlighters, paperclips and Sellotape! And we totally almost maxed our credit cards in the underwear store. Also, I almost (but thankfully not quite) set off an avalanche of branded mens’ underwear by scratching my head. A bit more excitingly, I got my first cellphone! Honestly, it was rather anticlimactic. I thought it would be at least a little ceremonious, but really I couldn’t stop giggling in the shop because my mum and I were so hopelessly clueless about phones. Anyway, that’s done. Perhaps you’ve got a story that can beat mine. I dare you.