I don’t know if this is weird? 

So today was ok-ish. I’ve just realised that the boys’ hostel warden is really, really cute. More than any of the boys themselves, really. And you can bet I’ve been keeping a close lookout for cute guys.  The guys are pretty nice, though; at least the ones I’ve talked to, so that’s something. By the way, the warden’s only a little older than us, so it’s not as inappropriate as it sounds. Is it still weird?  I can see practically all the girls swoon when they see him, though. It’s pretty funny and rather entertaining. He was in charge of the choir we started today for the morning chapel services, and he’s a really good instructor. The warm up he made us do was the best I’ve ever ever done, and made a real distinguishable difference. The only problem with the choir is that there’s a slightly scary girl who picks kind of boring songs, and none of the rest of us were prepared with any song suggestions, so we had to go with her’s. We’re planning on making a song book, though so maybe we’ll get better songs then. 

We played a game today (courtesy  of the boys’ warden) and even though I wasn’t looking forward to it, it was actually super fun. The girls and boys are getting to know each other better now, and it’s nice. Before today, we just avoided each other like the plague, which was awkward. Now I’m not great at talking to people I don’t know we’ll, so this getting to know each other makes me very nervous, but I guess it’s better than the awkwardness. 

I don’t know what to talk about to my friends any more. I can’t shake the feeling that they all secretly hate me. I have no idea what to do about this. The hospital psychiatrist, who came to give us a talk on stress management told us about social phobia and said we can go to him for help if we need it. But what is he decides I’m a weirdo who’s unfit to be a doctor? I’ll never be able to escape him. And I don’t want to see a doctor back home, because the last psychologist my mum took me to was a total bitch who made me cry. And she was the only suitable one we could find there. Maybe I will just go to the one here. But what if there’s nothing wrong with me, and it’s normal and I have to be this way forever? I’m so lost. Any and all advice would be appreciated. My brain is going through worst case scenarios at top speed and is teaching nowhere useful. I need help from other sources. Seriously. 

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